What Is Emotional Intelligence?

According to multiple sources, we can shape a simple definition of emotional intelligence: the ability to monitor your own emotions and the emotions of others, to accurately distinguish and label different feelings, and to use that emotional information to guide your thinking, behavior, and influence on others.

Emotional intelligence is what we use when we identify with coworkers, friends, and family, when we have deep conversations about our relationship with a spouse or partner, and when we try to manage an unruly or distressed child. It lets us connect with others, understand ourselves better, and live a more authentic, healthy, and happy life.

Although there are many types of intelligence and they are often linked, some differences between them matter a great deal.

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Why Improve Your Emotional Intelligence (and How)

Emotional intelligence is one of the strongest predictors of success in business and in romantic relationships. Why? EQ is not only the ability to identify and manage your own emotions; it is also the ability to recognize the emotions of others. It can help in your personal life too, for example when you need to deal with someone’s grudge.

Several of my clients tell me they feel frustrated with managers who are close to quitting because of a poor relationship with their boss. When I hear what is actually happening, it is usually that those leaders are not showing high levels of emotional intelligence.

Here are 5 tools to practice as often as possible so you can apply them in real situations and raise your emotional intelligence:

1. Identify what stresses you: When you know what stresses you and triggers situations where you feel anger, lose control, and risk harming someone else, look for ways to remove that source of stress. It will help you stay more open when talking with your partner, employees, and colleagues.
2. Bounce back from failure and setbacks: I recommend reading this article, because knowing how to recover from a fall is what separates successful people from those who settle.
3. Watch your vocabulary: Focus on becoming a stronger communicator. Emotionally intelligent people tend to use more precise words that help name shortcomings and then move quickly to address them. Also avoid two kinds of language: cursing and overly technical jargon. People respond better when you speak in everyday vocabulary that everyone understands.
4. Practice empathy: Paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues can give you valuable insight into the feelings of your partner, colleagues, or clients. Practice focusing on others and walking in their shoes, even for a moment. Empathy statements do not excuse unacceptable behavior, but they remind you that every person carries their own struggles.
5. Manage your negative emotions: When you can handle and reduce negative emotions, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed. Easier said than done, right? Try this: if someone is bothering you, do not jump to conclusions. Instead, take time to look at the situation from several angles. Try to see things objectively so you do not get angry as easily. In my case, I take a moment to calm down and then start my analysis.

Ask yourself these 3 questions when you face a situation that calls for emotional intelligence:
1- Is this necessary to say?
2- Is it necessary that I say it?
3- Do I need to say this now?
–Craig Ferguson