How to Increase Your Level of Empathy

You do not actually need to increase your empathy. You only need to remember how to access it. Life is so noisy and full of distractions that it has become hard to turn down the noise, tune into the signals you are picking up from someone else, and separate what you feel from your judgments and interpretations. The less aware you are in the moment, the harder it is to discern other people’s feelings and intentions.

Yet empathy is essential for building healthy relationships and developing strong social and leadership skills.

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The good news is that empathy is a survival mechanism, so you can switch it back on at any time.

The bad news is that this research shows that an increase in your power, including promotions or business success, often correlates with a drop in your empathy. As your status rises, the more deliberately you need to activate your empathy.

What Is Empathy?

In its simplest form, empathy is the ability to recognize emotions in others and understand other people’s perspectives on a situation. In its most developed form, empathy lets you use that information to improve someone else’s mood and support them through challenging situations.

Empathy is often confused with sympathy, but they are not the same. Sympathy is a feeling of concern for someone and a sense that they could be happier. Unlike empathy, sympathy does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions.

You can feel sympathy for someone you see crying on the street, for example, without knowing anything about their situation. Sympathy can turn into empathy, but it does not always do so.

According to the influential psychologist Daniel Goleman, empathy is one of the five key components of emotional intelligence: a vital leadership skill. It develops through three stages: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and compassionate empathy.

1- Cognitive Empathy

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand what another person might be thinking or feeling. It does not need to involve any emotional engagement from the observer.

Managers can find cognitive empathy useful for understanding how their team members feel and therefore which leadership style will bring out the best in them today. Likewise, sales executives can use it to gauge a client’s mood, helping them choose the most effective tone for a conversation.

Cognitive empathy is primarily a rational, intellectual, and emotionally neutral skill. That means some people use it for negative purposes. For example, those with a Machiavellian personality trait may use cognitive empathy to manipulate people who are emotionally vulnerable.

2- Emotional Empathy

Emotional empathy is the ability to share another person’s feelings and therefore understand that person at a deeper level. It is sometimes called “affective empathy” because it affects or changes you. It is not just about knowing how someone feels, but about creating a genuine connection with them.

For some of us, this type of empathy can feel overwhelming. People with strong empathic tendencies can become immersed in other people’s problems or pain, sometimes harming their own emotional well-being. This is especially true if they do not feel able to resolve the situation.

You can avoid this kind of emotional generosity burnout by taking breaks, checking your boundaries, and strengthening your capacity to handle such a demanding role.

Anyone who leads a team will benefit from developing at least some emotional empathy. It helps build trust between managers and team members and fosters honesty and openness. But empathy is most valuable when it is paired with action.

3- Compassionate Empathy

Compassionate empathy is the most active form of empathy. It involves not only caring about another person and sharing their emotional pain, but also taking practical steps to reduce it.

For example, imagine one of your team members is upset and angry because they delivered an important presentation poorly. Recognizing their pain is valuable, and affirming their reaction by showing signs of those feelings is even better. Best of all is setting aside time for them and offering practical support or guidance to help them move through the situation and prepare for next time.

How Can I Strengthen My Empathy?

1- Develop your emotional awareness.
Practicing emotional awareness about yourself will help you empathize when you are with others. This requires teaching your brain to access and label your emotional reactions. To help learn this skill, use the Emotional Inventory, where you will be asked to pause two or three times a day and select which emotion you feel from a list of possible sensations.

2- Catch your judgment.
Judgment is also an emotion. When you feel tense or feel the need to correct the other person, breathe and begin to feel compassion, respect, and a desire to connect. Then, if you still feel the need to offer a different point of view, first ask permission to see whether the person is willing to listen.

3- Quiet down, inside and out.
The more you can calm your mental chatter, the more you can hear your emotional wisdom. Meditation is a good practice. You can also tune in by stopping your activity and focusing on your breath. Keep your mind empty for as long as you can while looking around. Practice observing with a calm mind in five-minute intervals.

4- Watch and listen fully.
While you listen to someone’s story, notice changes in their posture, tone of voice, facial expressions, and breathing. Noticing these shifts will help you sense what they feel.

5- When you interact with others, activate your curiosity and ask clarifying questions.
Discover how the emotion of curiosity feels in your brain and body so you can feel curious when you are with someone. Then, when you feel curious, listen to the details of their story so you can ask questions that help you see the full picture of what they remember or are experiencing in the moment.

 

Key Takeaways

Empathy is the ability to recognize emotions and share perspectives with other people. It is one of the five key components of emotional intelligence, and it helps build trust and strengthen relationships.

There are three stages of empathy

1. Cognitive empathy is being aware of another person’s emotional state.
2. Emotional empathy is engaging with and sharing those emotions.
3. Compassionate empathy involves taking action to support other people.

To use empathy effectively, give your coworker your full attention, looking for verbal and nonverbal cues that help you fully understand their situation. Set aside your own assumptions, acknowledge your colleague’s feelings, allow an emotional connection, and then take positive action that improves their well-being.