From Work Friends to Being the Boss

What happens when you get promoted into a management role at work? How does it affect your friendships with coworkers? How do you hold authority without wrecking the relationship?

When someone moves up the hierarchy ladder, the power balance in the relationship shifts and everyone has to readjust.

Among colleagues there is usually a sense of equality, a feeling that “we are all in this together.” Once one person moves up, that equality is gone.

Step 1: Talk to Them

When you step into a higher role, things will change. Pretending everything will stay the same is pointless. Accept that fact and build a clear plan for moving forward from here.

Have a conversation with your former peers who now report to you. It will probably feel awkward, but if you speak frankly, clearly, and honestly, you can set the right foundation for a friendly professional environment.

Also read: Doing Business with Family and Friends

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Step 2: Accept the Facts

As the new boss you must remember you are no longer just a peer. Even if someone never wanted the promotion themselves, negative feelings, including jealousy, are common. The only way those emotions settle is if they get talked about.

It can help to ask for support in the new role. Show some vulnerability. Tell them: “This might get weird, but I do not want that and I am looking for your support.”

Step 3: Set the Example

As the new manager, you set the tone for how the new relationship with your former coworkers will work. Do not fall for the idea that acting tough will earn you respect.

It does not work. Lead by example: stay positive and approachable, keep a kind tone, and still hold people accountable. The key is real empathy for how your former peers may feel about the situation.

Step 4: Find a New Confidant

As a boss you will face a new kind of stress and responsibility. Much of it involves topics you cannot share with people who report to you, so it becomes essential to find a new confidant. Look for someone at your level or above with whom you can unload when you need to.

Besides helping you feel better, that person will help you grow as a leader and perform better in the new role.

Step 5: Avoid Favoritism

People will start watching you more closely. If you were especially close with one or more people before the promotion, you may have been used to personal chats during work hours and breaks. Make sure that if these are friends you still see outside work, the dynamic inside the office has to change.

No matter what you do, people will look for signs of favoritism. Beat that by being so fair and objective that the chatter eventually dies down. Those friends also need to understand that being close to the new boss does not mean they can ask for favors or expect special treatment.

Risks: Sometimes the Friendship Ends

Sometimes a friendship simply cannot survive one person rising in the hierarchy, and that is okay.

The friendship may fray and break, and in some ways that solves a large part of the problem. You will feel far less tension if you are less close and you disconnect.