How to Choose a Mentor: 5 Questions That Matter

A mentor is someone whose life or work you value and admire, and who you believe could serve as a strong guide. These days a mentor can be any age and work in any field, so we recommend you stop thinking about mentors in purely traditional terms. Too often we limit ourselves to people who hold a higher title in our own profession. Do not let age, job title, or years of experience cloud your judgment.

It helps to build a short list of two or three potential mentors. When you weigh your options you may discover that one person is too busy to give you the time another can offer. As you create that list, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Are we compatible?

Your mentor is someone you will work with closely. You need real compatibility; otherwise the relationship can feel tense or forced. It takes time to get to know someone, so do not write a relationship off too quickly, yet stay alert to any signals that point to long-term friction. Do not be afraid to voice your concerns or to end the relationship. Chances are your mentor is feeling the same way.

If a mentor was assigned to you through your company or a program (see Damien Soitout Platinum Membership), you may feel obligated to stick with that person. Most of the time that is not required. When you explain to the organization why you do not believe the mentor-mentee match will succeed, they are usually happy to connect you with someone else.

2. Do I admire this person?

Ask yourself whether you truly admire this person for their achievements and industry experience. Ideally your mentor should share your professional outlook and may even have already reached the goals you hope to hit.

3. Can I build a relationship of trust with them?

A mentor is someone to whom you can share private, personal matters. Trust is therefore essential. That trust must run both ways, because the relationship works best when they also trust you. Use that mutual trust to get the most out of the partnership.

Take things slowly and set a few ground rules to avoid conflict. After a few sessions you will know each other better and will have learned each other’s communication styles. Once a solid level of trust is in place, you can really move forward.

4. Does this person push me out of my comfort zone?

A mentor should help you leave your comfort zone, which means this person should sit a little outside it as well. You do not want a clone of yourself or of your best friend. You need diversity so you gain a genuinely different perspective. Do not hesitate to work with a mentor who is younger than you, looks different, thinks differently, or is not the same gender as you.

While your mentor should share broad philosophies with you, also consider carefully whether this person can exchange ideas with you. Look for someone who has faced similar experiences, whether that means the methods and ideas they used to solve certain challenges or business philosophies that complement your own.

5. Can I give something back?

Ideally mentors receive something from the relationship just as you do. Some benefits are obvious: grooming a successor, adding a new pillar of management inside the company, or gaining a fresh business connection. Like the rest of us, however, mentors have their own needs and immediate priorities.

It is worth giving back to your mentors, because they will then be more inclined to stay involved longer. Successful mentorships are two-way streets in which the mentor also learns new things, not by recycling the same experience they already bring, but by receiving insight into developments that did not exist when they were starting their own career.