The Importance of Asking the Right Questions

These days a lot of people seem to live on autopilot. With the speed of modern life, always-on internet, constant contact with family, the brands you follow, and trends that flip every few months, there is little room left to truly rest, open your eyes, step outside your bubble, and think.

This week I got a lot of questions about tools, techniques, and strategies for personal and professional growth. That is an excellent question because it shows a desire to stop being a follower and start building your own path.

One thing that helps me break out of the mold and out of complacency so I can keep growing is asking myself hard questions, the ones most people would rather avoid.

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1- What now?

This is a key question, especially when you are following society’s milestones: degree, car, house, spouse, kids… What now? Am I going to do the same job every day for the next 40 or 50 years, retire, and only start living at 70?

You always need a new goal if you want to move forward and grow. Settling into the template of a “normal” life does not necessarily lead you to live happily. That is why it matters to keep exploring new options, talents, and passions, and to fill the stretch of time when most people stall in their growth.

2- What could I have done more of / better?

I ask myself this regularly, especially after hitting a work goal. It is important to step back, review everything you did, and notice that even when you succeeded, there were pieces you could have done better. Sometimes you could have done even more, and simply going from A to B does not leave you fully satisfied. Learn to improve the path that got you to B so that next time you get there faster and more efficiently.

3- How happy do I actually feel?

I ask myself this almost every day. I check my mood, my level of happiness, what I am missing or what I no longer need, and how adding or removing a given element could improve my personal and professional life. Every strong leader I have met asks this question, because people on the path to success are not driven mainly by money. They are driven by growth, challenges, and goals.

4- Why am I not seeing changes in my life? or Why is my life not improving?

I like this question. Usually the first time you ask it, it is because you are starting to feel bored with what you do or have right now. That is a vital step: it means you are ready for a real change. The answer should be a list of your bad habits, time-management mistakes, money issues, and friction in relationships with partners, friends, family, colleagues, and bosses… Then design a map of what you want and how you will get there.

5- Where am I, and where do I want to be?

This question has helped many people realize they were not happy with what they were doing, where they lived, their job, certain people, and more. It helps you design the map that lets you raise your standards and quality of life, and as a result raise your level of happiness.

6- What is the most important thing in my life right now for me?

A lot of people live to help others. I know, I am one of them. But if you want to help the world, you first have to be okay yourself. Many people call that selfish without realizing that those who help the world most effectively do so because they know how to take care of themselves first.

So ask yourself this question and start doing what helps you feel happy, stable, and content. Once you reach that level of calm, helping others becomes easier and more productive than ever.

7- Why do I think this way? Am I right?

It takes someone open and committed to growth to answer this. We grow up inside circles that install a way of thinking and of seeing situations, people, and things. For example:

• Your parents, from a very young age, tell you what you can or cannot do based on their own beliefs.
• Your friends tell you what you can wear, listen to, or say in public based on local culture.
• Your partner and colleagues can influence your religious, spiritual, or political ideas based on beliefs they absorbed from their own parents, and so on.

It is a vicious circle. Only a minority of people are not easily swayed by what others think and say. That is why you need to know where a given way of thinking comes from, check whether it is justified, and whether you truly believe you cannot do what you want simply because you are afraid. Most of the time you will find that these internal blocks do not come from your own experience or choice. They come from outside, and you can end that limit by taking the first step and doing the thing.

If you want to grow in your life and in this world, you have to stop seeing society, work, relationships, and your whole environment through the square someone placed in front of your eyes. Step back and look at everything that square is hiding: a world of opportunities and possibilities that is literally unlimited.