How to Overcome the Death of a Loved One

Life includes a multitude of moments, events, milestones, achievements, and failures, both good and bad. One of those realities that constantly hangs over us and can arrive when we least expect it is death. It is always a difficult subject because no one wants to contemplate their own mortality, even though it is one of the few inevitable parts of life.

Part of this also involves what people go through and must overcome when a loved one dies. Sooner or later we all face a loss, whether it is a relative, a colleague, or a friend. We each experience it differently, and it is important to understand the grieving process.

Grieving the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, yet research and psychological studies show that it can also become a catalyst for renewing a deeper appreciation of life.

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1- Allow your feelings to come out

Facing the loss of a loved one stirs almost every emotion imaginable. There are moments when more than one emotion seems to take hold at once, and you may feel as if you are “going crazy.” That is natural. It is normal to experience a wide range of feelings.

Gently remind yourself in your grief that your feelings belong to you and fall within the range of what is normal. Understanding that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel about the loss of a loved one is essential to your process.

2- Talk about this person’s death

Speak with friends and colleagues to understand what happened and to remember your friend or family member. Denying the death is an easy way to isolate yourself and will only frustrate the support system around you.

3- Expect to experience the five stages of grief

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Keep in mind that you may not move through these stages in the typical order. Sometimes people who are grieving repeat steps, stay in one stage for a long time, experience several at once, or go through them in a completely different sequence. At times, those who are grieving are able to move forward with their lives relatively quickly without going through the stages at all. Remember that every person suffers differently. Still, identifying the stages of grief can help you make sense of your own experience.

4- Accept what you cannot change

One of the most common struggles after losing someone is the feeling of being out of control because you cannot control when someone leaves. Even though we never have that control, we are not victims, or at least we do not have to remain victims. There comes a point in this process when you can and must choose how you will respond to this hard blow. You must actively and consciously choose to focus on what you can change and accept what you cannot. That means accepting mentally, emotionally, and spiritually the reality of your loss and letting go of a past you cannot recover.

5- Do not get stuck

It is easy to remain stuck in this negative experience and all the emotions that come with it, so you need to work at not staying angry or bitter. Do whatever helps you detach; this looks different for everyone. You may find help by taking up a new hobby, seeking counseling, or talking with your doctor about treatment options such as antidepressants. Grief can throw your biochemistry off balance, and medication can be the short-term start you need to move forward. Another way to advance is to focus on all the reasons you need to become the person you were before the loss. Caution: if you have had an addiction in the past, make sure you do not turn to narcotics or alcohol as a source of relief.

6- Create value from this experience

Take time to ask yourself what you have learned by going through this. There is value in every experience. Pause to look more closely at everything you have just lived and felt, and identify what you learned from it all.

7- Remember and celebrate the life of your loved ones

There are many ways to celebrate a loved one’s life: donate to their favorite foundation, frame photos of joyful moments, pass a family name to a baby, or plant a garden in their memory. Whatever you choose is up to you. Honor that unique relationship in a way that feels right to you.

8- Celebrate life

While the pain of your loss is real and must be felt, a time will come when you need to start living your own life again. By working to overcome the death of a loved one, you will come to accept death as a reality. You will find yourself able to move forward and embrace your life even without this person by your side.