Keep the Spark Alive with Your Partner

Rare is the couple that, after 20 or 30 years together, or even just a couple of years, still experiences the same high level of sexual passion that existed at the beginning of their relationship. Even though that transition can feel scary, it is not necessarily a bad thing! Passionate love may be more prominent in the early stages of a relationship, but it is often companionate love that sustains a relationship over time. Besides, if you stayed in passionate love forever, you would probably lose your job and have no friends because you would be in bed 24/7.

Even though your companionate love will grow, passionate love does not have to disappear completely. If every other aspect of the relationship is generally good, then couples can see this development as completely normal. It does not mean your romantic life cannot be rekindled. Here are some ways to infuse your relationship with some of that old excitement.

WHY DO THE SPARKS STOP FLYING?

Couples will cite countless reasons for the death of their fire. Usually these reasons center on not having enough time to spend together. This could be due to long-distance work schedules, or it becomes a major incompatibility issue like dealing with children and their needs. What may have started as a temporary state unconsciously turns into habit. The excuses for spending time together shift from “tomorrow” or “next week” to “when things settle down.”

Less time together eventually leads to a loss of intimacy, which shows up as a loss of attraction. The loss of attraction leads to a drop in communication between partners, starting a cycle of negativity that turns into frustration and even more distance.

Still, keeping the spark alive is possible. But it takes more than just scheduling one or two dates to create real, lasting change in a relationship. You must learn how to keep the spark alive in a relationship, and then work consistently with your partner to keep that passion burning.

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1- Stop living old stories

If you choose to move forward in a relationship with your partner, then it is time to let go of the old disappointments you are still holding onto. This moment is the only thing that is real. So do not filter your partner through a past story. That is old news and it is over. Instead, think about what will make that person feel loved and seen. Then do those things. Do not know what to do? Ask them.

2- Talk with your partner

When was the last time you really talked with your partner? Talking does not just mean chatting for a few minutes before falling asleep. It means making plans about your future, understanding your partner’s love language, and discovering what is on the other person’s mind. It means sharing a real emotional connection with your loved one to ignite the spark in a relationship.

You need five times more positive communications than negative ones to have a good relationship, especially if you want intimacy. It is easy to see the negative impact when people feel shut out and outside their partner’s world. Besides, nowadays the internet makes it more and more convenient to do this even while traveling for business, for example.

3- Be spontaneous

Maintaining a long-term relationship is not easy because human brains learn to tune out repetitive stimulation. The brain takes in all incoming stimulation and decides the response, so changing the stimulus helps keep the brain interested. If you are willing to be more spontaneous or try new activities together, that will trigger a stronger response in your partner’s brain. Dopamine is involved in the addiction pathway as a neurotransmitter that contributes to the feeling we recognize as pleasure. So keep your partner guessing and they will get butterflies by trying new things. Stepping out of the routine every now and then can keep your relationship from falling into a rut.

4- Keep finding ways to get your partner’s attention

If you want that spark to work again, making eye contact as much as possible can make it happen. According to positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson, making eye contact produces neural synchrony. This allows the synchronized release of oxytocin, which makes couples feel a fantastic rush and feel even better about each other. Even though it is super simple, it can have a lasting effect.

5- Give

The secret to living is giving, and this can apply to relationships. Giving shows that you are making your partner a priority. Remember, if you contribute nothing, you get nothing. If your partner gets nothing, they are likely to feel insignificant and unloved. Instead, think about what you can give so they feel full, seen, and understand they are your top priority. Go further than your partner expects you to go.

Create surprises, not obstacles. An even easier way to keep your spark? Do what you did at the beginning of your relationship and there will be no end.