The Difference Between Being Confident and Being Egocentric

It is common knowledge that self-confident people are more attractive. Not only as life partners, but also in business. The problem is that the line between being truly confident and being egocentric can sometimes be very thin. A couple of weeks ago, while speaking with an artist who asked to work with my coaching program, we ran into exactly this issue. His agent believed he was highly egocentric and that it could damage his career, while the client saw himself as nothing more than a man who was secure in himself.

That conversation made me reflect on the difference between these two concepts and why people can perceive the same person in such opposite ways. I talked with colleagues and friends, and those discussions helped me spot clear patterns in both personality types.

THE CONFIDENT PERSON

A confident person can also be egocentric, but here we will focus only on confident people who do not share both personality traits.

1- You share or give away the spotlight

Because you do not need other people’s approval to know your own worth, you have no problem sharing or giving the audience’s attention to someone who deserves it. You understand that the validation that matters comes from within. You celebrate your wins with others without needing to stay at the center of attention.

2- You take a stand on issues without rejecting the possibility that you might be wrong

You have opinions. You know what you want and what you believe. Yet that does not close your mind to other options and realities. You stay willing to learn and grow. If that means changing how you think or how you analyze a fact or situation, you will not dig in and defend a position that is wrong.

3- You listen more than you talk

Truly confident people are calm and unpretentious. They already know what they think and want to know what you think.

So they ask open questions that give others room to be reflective and introspective: what do you do, how do you do it, what do you like about it, what did you learn from it, and so on.

Really confident people know they already know a lot, yet they still want to know and learn more. They understand that the only way to learn more is to listen more.

4- You are not bothered by asking for help

Many people treat asking for help or admitting they do not know something as a weakness. A confident person accepts that it is impossible to be omniscient. Because they want to keep moving, growing, and learning, they have no problem asking questions.

5- You do not diminish other people

This happened to me in a job before I opened my first company. My boss spent his time laughing at others, downplaying the team’s achievements, and constantly trying to make people believe that no one could do anything better than he could. People usually act this way because they need to look bigger; they have a security problem.

Sponsored*

THE EGOCENTRIC PERSON

As I described in the previous point, egocentric people tend to struggle with self-esteem and security. They need other people’s approval in a way that lacks subtlety. Certain patterns help you identify whether someone is truly egocentric.

1- You never look for imperfections

Whether in your work or your personality, you believe everything you do and say is perfect. You never ask yourself whether you could be better at your job, in your social life, or in your family life. You tend to get above everyone else once you hit a goal because you feel more important than anyone around you.

2- You listen to advice but almost never apply it

No matter where you are in life, whether at work or in your personal life, there is always someone who knows more, has more experience, or has already achieved the success you want. An egocentric person will listen to what they have to say, yet will still believe they know better or can do it without help. They rarely follow advice. To help them, you often have to present ideas in a way that lets them believe the idea was theirs.

3- You stay stubborn even when you are wrong

Because admitting you are wrong is out of the question, you keep fighting for an idea or a fact even when people show you that you are mistaken. They can put the evidence right in front of you a thousand times with a thousand proofs, and you still will not accept it. You keep arguing even when you know you do not have the truth on your side.

4- You want to do everything alone

You struggle to ask for help or accept that other people can do some things better than you. This shows up a lot in young “wanna-be” entrepreneurs. Instead of focusing on what will actually make money for the project, they try to handle everything themselves: the website, online marketing, human resources, accounting, and more. They leave sales and what really matters on the side. They never grow because their ego takes up so much space that they fail to notice they are not focusing on what truly counts.